A locally sponsored blog...

I've been reading a weight loss blog sponsored by our local paper, The Charlotte Observer. You can read it here. It was actually part of the reason I started blogging on my weight loss journey instead of day to day activites or stories. The blog profiles 3 wanna be healthy people and they each blog twice a week. One of the bloggers is having a really tough time keeping her promises to herself, exercising and just being healthy in general. Her readers comments are constantly full of ridicule and judgement. I typically root for the underdog, but I don't think this blogger gets it. She dines out at places such as Chima (Brazilian steakhouse), has ice cream and then boasts about gorging herself at Easter dinner and how amazing it was.

 I can't root for her anymore, I can't leave her encouraging comments. I think of all that I have done and am doing to achieve my goal of a forever healthy lifestyle and she just makes me angry. She still says she is trying but is obviously not. I don't know why I'm so mad at someone I don't know or why her lack of willpower bothers me. I really want to see her succeed like the other two bloggers. I really wanted her to get on track and do it. Now I just don't know if she can or if she even wanted to in the first place. She's cut her blogging down to once per week and I don't want to read her excuses anymore. However, I really hope she surprises all of the readers for the sake of her health and emotional well-being.

I also feel sorry for her, I think of my amazing support system and how my family has changed things for me so that I am able to still sit down and enjoy a meal with them. I know I could do it without them, but it's much easier with them. I think of my husband, who was used to getting pizza at least 3 times a month and hasn't had any since I started on my journey. He was also used to other fun foods that no longer exist in our home, I know myself and if I get tempted by one thing it will lead to another (I do make dinner for him nightly, he gets sides that I don't, steamed carrots, potatoes, whole grain pasta, etc...). Some people will say that my family shouldn't have to change because of me. To those people, I say try to overcome something without full support and see where you go.

Getting closer to 30 lbs gone and its worth every green gunk drink in the world.
Nothing can taste as good as skinny and healthy is going to feel.
And I have my family to thank in helping me get there.

I survived my first holiday!

Usually my family does the typical Easter dinner, ham, mashed potatoes, carrot casserole, crescent rolls, and of course veggies followed by my Mom's delicious carrot cake... this year was different. My ENTIRE family is behind me in my goals and they switched the typical high calorie and tempting Easter dinner for an Easter brunch. While my family feasted on my dad's famous pancakes, a sausage breakfast casserole and fruit salad, my mom and dad made me a delicious roasted chicken salad with almonds and balsamic. Delicious and it was so nice and supportive of them to make a change for me this year. Seeing results and having an awesome family led to me wearing a pencil skirt to see the Blue Man Group (hilarious!) yesterday and to work today. I feel sexy and sassy for the first time in a long time... that's freaking awesome.

My exercise heaven

I've never loved exercise, growing up I was on the swim team from the age of 8 to the age of 18, managed pools, life guarded, coached and taught swim lessons until I was 25 and I loved all of that. So all I've ever known was swimming, I never got comfortable with an actual gym and I honestly do not want to wear a swim suit right now. My wonderful older brother is a huge gym buff, he's been in great shape for as long as I can remember and I've always envied him for that and his love for the gym. He hasn't struggled with weight like I have, I like to think he got the skinny genes. I do envy him but I've never wanted to spend hours everyday in the gym like he has (Yes, I know you have to put in the effort to take away results... ), I just never found my exercise heaven like he has.

But, what I've realized is that exercise can be fun and I don't have to even go to the gym! I just had to find my own exercise heaven. The 30 minutes of Zumba everyday get my heart going, the sweat dripping and my hips swinging. I find myself singing along in Spanish and I have no idea what the heck I am even saying. I'm hip thrusting, booty popping, clapping along and it's perfect for me! I constantly dance in the kitchen, I'm a seat dancer in the car and I love music. It's not the same routine every time and you use EVERY part of your body, even my arms are sore after some sessions. And guess what... I do it right upstairs in the bonus room. I don't have to go to the gym and wait for a stinking human hamster wheel to open up. Sure, you still have to make yourself do it when you don't want to, but the plus side is if you love it, it is easier to get off your butt and do it. I've found my exercise heaven and it's fabulous.

Everyone deserves to find their exercise heaven. If you love to dance and you haven't found yours, TRY it! I don't hit every step and I'm sure I look like a big fool, but who cares! And besides, the cool down belly dance might even come in handy some day (wink wink)...

Motivation...

Start Where You Stand
By Berton Braley

Start where you stand and never mind the past,
The past won't help you in beginning new,
If you have left it all behind at last
Why, that's enough, you're done with it, you're through;
This is another chapter in the book,
This is another race that you have planned,
Don't give the vanished days a backward look,
Start where you stand.

The world won't care about your old defeats
If you can start anew and win success;
The future is your time, and time is fleet
And there is much of work and strain and stress;
Forget the buried woes and dead despairs,
Here is a brand-new trial right at hand,
The future is for him who does and dares,
Start where you stand.

It takes a lot to lose a lot...

For those who don't want to read me whine for a bit... you might want to scroll down...

I never realized how hard this was going to be --- correction, I knew how hard it was going to be however, I didn't anticipate it being THIS hard, I've dieted before, worked with weight loss clinics, been on prescriptions and OTC's to help me with the problem. I'm a mindless eater, a food addict and an over eater, it's taken me a long time to admit that I have a problem. Food is my drug, it's my vice and I have to control it. America has a problem with obesity and I don't want to be part of a statistic anymore, I'm better than that.

I've talked to counselors and been to group sessions. I've been there and done that. This time is going to be different because this plan has been hard as hell. While the weight may be coming off pretty fast, I'm having a hard time. Tears, frustration and disgust with myself have been a pretty daily thing this past week. Maybe it's just female hormones, who knows. Daniel has been there and helped me, but its still not easy. I just want to be normal, I want to win this fight and not EVER do it again. I don't want to shop at Lane Bryant anymore!!! I'm drinking this green disgusting crap and I never want to do it again. I'm eating the same salad every night and the same cereal every morning. Routine doesn't make it easy, but it's what I need.

It takes a lot to lose a lot. It takes willpower that you have to pull from the deepest part of you, it takes family and friends that are completely supportive and that will push you through when all you really want is a bag of pretzels, cake and a diet coke. It's having a husband that understands I have a problem and helps me by helping keep bad foods out of the house. It takes the tears and the frustration, because if it were easy, it wouldn't mean enough. It takes self disgust, so that I know where I am and that I cannot stay here. I have a lot to lose and I have what it takes to lose it and keep it off.

Now for the positives!!

I've been doing Zumba and it's wonderful! I'm in love with the music, the moves and the fact that I "level up" with every routine. I get "Zumba Jammer" status when my 30 minute workout is done and that's pretty cool. I'm definitely not the most graceful or coordinated person around, but the workout is kick butt and a ton of fun. I've been doing the workouts on beginner since last week and tomorrow is my first day on intermediate. I have a feeling it's going to be hard doing steps I haven't done before, but change is good in a workout.

I'm also now down 20 pounds, Daniel and I went out with our really great friends, Michael and Erika on Sunday to dinner and I treated myself to a glass of wine. I so deserved it!! I'm not treating myself at all, so the glass of wine was a real treat. However, it was NOT very good (yes, I still finished it... who wastes wine!?!) but, it was still not water or plain green tea or my green gunk... such a treat!

It's been so nice having steak and chicken again! My boring same day everyday morning cereal (Fiber One original) is actually realllllly good with Vanilla Almond Milk and my Fiber One Cereal Bar as a snack is just enough chocolate to satisfy some cravings (not all though). This 4 week plan is a little easier than the 2 week plan!

On a side note...

A lot of people (skinny and non) have told me that they could never do what I'm doing and that makes me feel really good. I'm choosing to do it now before it's forced on me later. I'm doing it to have a better feeling about myself and to feel comfortable on a day to day basis. I want to be healthy and to never deal with Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, heart problems, or any other weight related issues. I want to feel sexy and young! I want to wear a bikini again and I WILL! And yes, I want to have a healthy pregnancy when we decide to start our family and actually have a baby bump!! I'm excited about these changes and if that means I can never have bad food again, that's perfectly fine with me!



What do you do to keep yourself motivated when something gets hard?

I finished my first two weeks!

This morning was my two week follow up with Dr. Bauer and it was WONDERFUL! As you already know I have lost 15 pounds in the past two weeks, he said that was a great average. And... I got my 4 week plan! I get to switch out my breakfast Organic Frog for Fiber One Cereal, have a Fiber One cereal bar for a snack, still drinking my Organic Frog for lunch and I get to add some chicken or steak in with my salad for dinner! HEAVEN! He also said I could switch up lunch and dinner if I chose. So, today for lunch I definitely had a piece of chicken with steamed veggies. YUM! I missed chewing, I missed flavor, it was amazing. I still have to have my protein and eggs at night, but I get CHICKEN or STEAK! So wonderful.

I've also upped my physical activity, I've started doing Zumba every night for 30 minutes this week, I'm going to up it to 45 for 5 days out of the week. Zumba is awesome, I love dancing and I love how I don't really feel like I'm working out (but, it is a serious calorie burner). I'm doing it on the Wii for now and will eventually move to the beginner classes at the Y. I also plan on starting to go to the Y after work 3 days a week for 30 minutes before heading home for dinner and Zumba just to get some strength training in as well.

A few people have been wondering what exactly I have been consuming for breakfast and lunch. Organic Frog aka Greens Today is an OTC superfood, your doctor does not need to prescribe it and anyone can get it. I order it here, Greens Today is certified organic and they even offer a vegan option for those with a vegan diet. They also offer a TON of vitamins for children and adults alike. All of the ingredients are listed as well, so if anyone is wondering what's in it or the other products that Greens Today offers... check out this link.

I'm also drinking 1/2 of my body weight in ounces of water. And I am not consuming sugar, white flour based products, carrots, rice, potatoes, or beans. I'm sticking to what he's telling me and not venturing outside of that. Another thing that has been prescribed to me that helps is Apidex (Phentermine), it's an appetite suppressant. There is a lot of controversy about the medication if you search the internet, but if used correctly and as prescribed, it's a BIG help.

I go back to Dr. Bauer in 4 weeks, but I will definitely keep weighing myself and sticking to his plan. I'll keep you all updated of course! I'm just relieved that the first 2 weeks are over...

And to ALL of my girlfriends that are working on themselves... it feels darn good to make some real progress, and that's enough motivation in itself. Nothing tastes as good as losing weight feels!

Besides fat talk...

Saturday, Daniel and I were going to host a BBQ at our house (which we had to cancel because of hail, lightning, rain) with 25 of our friends. I was sooo excited to celebrate the fact that winter was over and have everyone over. Daniel had to head to REI for his last day of work and before he left, I asked him to put the table umbrella back up. When he picked it up, out came a freaking baby COPPERHEAD!! Daniel is all male, not afraid of snakes at all. He trapped it under his foot and was trying to pick it up with tongs when it slid its nasty self in between the slats on our back deck. Now, we do live in the country and I have seen mice in our backyard, so I kinda expected there to be snakes out there but I hadn't seen one yet. Now that I've seen one, I am SERIOUSLY afraid of our backyard. I am actually kind of glad that the weather came, because my scaredy butt would have been inside playing hostess while everyone else hung out in the backyard. We used something called "Snake Away", has anyone tried this and if so, did it work?? We can't get under our deck because it has wood down to the ground, but really. How do you get rid of snakes? Our neighbors on one side have two children and on the other side they rescue animals, I don't want the snakes to go in either of their yards, but I don't want them in mine either. I know they should be killed, but I can't get to them! Okay, I wouldn't do it anyways, Daniel would have to.

Anyone have any snake advice??

Struggles and Satisfaction

I know I was all go-go-go woohoo! And I'm only a week and a half in (two on Friday), but this is HARD! I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't realize how much I would miss actually EATING lunch, I'm having steamed veggies with my lunch drink, but it's not the same. I KNOW it's only short term and that I will be better for it in the long run, but I really miss it. Sad, pitiful and ridiculous. I know. Tonight I'm going to hit up some Zumba and get over my pity party. I can't wait for Thursday to get my new plan, I'm hoping some other color is added to my diet other than white and green. Gimme some zing in there! I'm kinda glad I work in my own office, lots of people eat at their desks in the cubes and that would just be tempting and aggravating. All the smells of delicious food! It's just food.... it's just food.... it's just food. That's my mantra as of late.

But, I am now down 15 (well 16) pounds! I'm at 10% of my goal! It's pretty awesome and I love that when Daniel and I snuggle up at night he tells me I feel smaller. My clothes are fitting slightly different and my pants are a little less huggy. I'm excited to start fitting back into all of those clothes in my closet that I refused to get rid of. I'm excited to go on long bike rides with Daniel and not feel totally uncomfortable on that teeny tiny seat. And to rock some skirts! Pants get old after a bit.

Alot of people have told me that I should set smaller goals for along the way, I don't think I'm going to do that until I start hitting a plateau. Working with a doctor is a little different than going at it on your own, because I have no idea what's next. I had no idea weight would come off this quick! I understand that some of it is water, etc... but, it is weight!

I just have to get through these next two days before I get a new meal plan... I can do it. I know I can.

It's been almost a week!

I'm a bad blogger already!!

It's been almost a week since I started on my medically supervised weight loss. It has been okay so far. For breakfast and lunch I have the Organic Frog drink, I can snack on healthy steamed or fresh veggies all day (no carrots, potatoes, or other starchy/sugary veggies), I have my large salad with spinach leaves, cucumber, celery, sliced almonds and fat-free dressing for dinner and a protein shake before bed. While I've been really good with all of that, I haven't been as good as fitting in the 3 scrambled egg whites before bed with the protein shake. I'm just not hungry. I don't like eggs really to begin with, so it's been hard. I'm thinking I might add some spinach to them to make it a little easier, I'm not a fan of hot sauce on eggs and I've put ketchup on them for as long as I can remember (big no no!).

I haven't picked up my exercise as much as I should be. I worked in the yard for a few hours on Sunday (mulching, pulling weeds) and walked over a mile with Misty (a fabulous co-worker and friend) on Monday. Then... Daniel's car broke. Excuses, excuses I know. It's been rainy and I haven't been able to get to the gym (he has my car to get to school and his job). But, I WILL walk 30 minutes tonight when I get home. I know I'll feel better after and I'll get a good nights sleep because of it.

Ready for the awesome news????

 I have lost 10 pounds! I haven't cheated and I've been really good about drinking all of my water and staying away from the bad. I switched my coffee intake to low and replaced splenda with stevia. I do have some severe carb cravings though! I'm home alone at night while Daniel is at work and I can honestly say I have more willpower than I thought I did. We have wheat pasta, cereal, tortillas, popcorn, granola, CLIFF bars, and other carbs in the house that I could more than gorge myself with, but it's just NOT WORTH IT! I'd feel so guilty, I'd be mad at myself, and it's just freaking food!

I have honestly got to thank my support system in this....

My husband has been amazing in this. He's a motivator and a support system. He's even drinking the green gunk some days with me. Daniel, I love you. Thank you for your encouraging words, endless love and for you still thinking that even with 100 extra pounds, I'm the sexiest woman around. You are truly my forever love.

My Mom, even though I don't think she reads this, she's watched me struggle with my weight my entire adult life. She's supportive of every crazy method I've tried and every pound I lose. Heck, even she is going to try the green gunk! I gave her a bag with a single serving yesterday. Thanks, Mom, for kicking my ass when I need it.

My friends, even though I tend to portray myself as confident in my own skin, you all know that's not what's really going on. You understand that I can't have a bottle glass of wine this weekend and that I'll be the sober one. You're having dreams about me cheating on my diet and you being really pissed at me. You're offering help and support and laughter and encouragement that I can do this. It all means more than you could ever know.

I am amazed at the amount of support I've received from co-workers as well (Becky and Deitra- I've got your backs too girls!!). I'm overwhelmed by the positive responses from people. I know I can do this and having all of the support I have has made the last week that much easier. Sharing my struggles and my new lifestyle has made it that much easier.

So, next Thursday I go for a weigh in with Dr. Bauer and get another meal plan. I know I won't continue to lose weight this quick, and that's okay with me. Baby steps. I have a goal of 125lbs to lose by Daniel's college graduation December 2012. Totally reasonable!

When it gets hard to keep going, I know that what's in store for me is better than the way a pizza tastes.

10 down! 10 down! 10 down!!

Waking up to "The Greens"

Today I started "The Greens", my usual delightful apple with peanut butter and large coffee is now replaced by a gagalicious green super food beverage...

Doesn't that just look DELICIOUS!?!

Yea, I know. Not really. But, I'm willing to do whatever Dr. Bauer tells me to do. Medically Supervised weight loss is no joke after all. This super food beverage tastes like a liquid vitamin, is chalky and downright gross. I had a hard time getting the first dose down, I'm hoping lunch goes much better. Daniel tried it last night before I had a chance and said it wasn't bad... this coming from a man that can eat pretty much anything. I should have known better. Gagged twice and had a really hard time keeping it down for a few minutes. Drinking it through a straw as fast as I could with my eyes closed made it easier. How sad is that? I'm sure that I will adjust to the taste, but ewwww! I know, I know. It will all be worth it!

I brought some steamed peas to munch on throughout the day, so at least I have that to look forward to! And LOTS and LOTS of water. 150 oz. to be exact. I think I might float away today...

Now I'll leave you with that wonderful picture of my breakfast and lunch in your head and my motivational quote...

 "The rest of the world lives to eat, while I eat to live." Socrates