It takes a lot to lose a lot...

For those who don't want to read me whine for a bit... you might want to scroll down...

I never realized how hard this was going to be --- correction, I knew how hard it was going to be however, I didn't anticipate it being THIS hard, I've dieted before, worked with weight loss clinics, been on prescriptions and OTC's to help me with the problem. I'm a mindless eater, a food addict and an over eater, it's taken me a long time to admit that I have a problem. Food is my drug, it's my vice and I have to control it. America has a problem with obesity and I don't want to be part of a statistic anymore, I'm better than that.

I've talked to counselors and been to group sessions. I've been there and done that. This time is going to be different because this plan has been hard as hell. While the weight may be coming off pretty fast, I'm having a hard time. Tears, frustration and disgust with myself have been a pretty daily thing this past week. Maybe it's just female hormones, who knows. Daniel has been there and helped me, but its still not easy. I just want to be normal, I want to win this fight and not EVER do it again. I don't want to shop at Lane Bryant anymore!!! I'm drinking this green disgusting crap and I never want to do it again. I'm eating the same salad every night and the same cereal every morning. Routine doesn't make it easy, but it's what I need.

It takes a lot to lose a lot. It takes willpower that you have to pull from the deepest part of you, it takes family and friends that are completely supportive and that will push you through when all you really want is a bag of pretzels, cake and a diet coke. It's having a husband that understands I have a problem and helps me by helping keep bad foods out of the house. It takes the tears and the frustration, because if it were easy, it wouldn't mean enough. It takes self disgust, so that I know where I am and that I cannot stay here. I have a lot to lose and I have what it takes to lose it and keep it off.

Now for the positives!!

I've been doing Zumba and it's wonderful! I'm in love with the music, the moves and the fact that I "level up" with every routine. I get "Zumba Jammer" status when my 30 minute workout is done and that's pretty cool. I'm definitely not the most graceful or coordinated person around, but the workout is kick butt and a ton of fun. I've been doing the workouts on beginner since last week and tomorrow is my first day on intermediate. I have a feeling it's going to be hard doing steps I haven't done before, but change is good in a workout.

I'm also now down 20 pounds, Daniel and I went out with our really great friends, Michael and Erika on Sunday to dinner and I treated myself to a glass of wine. I so deserved it!! I'm not treating myself at all, so the glass of wine was a real treat. However, it was NOT very good (yes, I still finished it... who wastes wine!?!) but, it was still not water or plain green tea or my green gunk... such a treat!

It's been so nice having steak and chicken again! My boring same day everyday morning cereal (Fiber One original) is actually realllllly good with Vanilla Almond Milk and my Fiber One Cereal Bar as a snack is just enough chocolate to satisfy some cravings (not all though). This 4 week plan is a little easier than the 2 week plan!

On a side note...

A lot of people (skinny and non) have told me that they could never do what I'm doing and that makes me feel really good. I'm choosing to do it now before it's forced on me later. I'm doing it to have a better feeling about myself and to feel comfortable on a day to day basis. I want to be healthy and to never deal with Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, heart problems, or any other weight related issues. I want to feel sexy and young! I want to wear a bikini again and I WILL! And yes, I want to have a healthy pregnancy when we decide to start our family and actually have a baby bump!! I'm excited about these changes and if that means I can never have bad food again, that's perfectly fine with me!



What do you do to keep yourself motivated when something gets hard?